You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
