Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
