man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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