BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
