The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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