So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
