Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
