just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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