i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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