I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
