I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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