absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I look better un-naked...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
