It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How's work?
Spinning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
