I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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