A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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