I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
