you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
