Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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