that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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