btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
