I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
