He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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