out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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