I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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