is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
