Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
