thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
