you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
