Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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