ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
