And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
