God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
