I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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