I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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