Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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