I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
