Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
