whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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