1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
with your own penis?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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