did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
