Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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