my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
