I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
