I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
high people should be assigned attendants
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
