I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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