All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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