Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
