she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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