im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
