The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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