You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
