forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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