if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
