the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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